It pains me to admit that I didn't give as much of myself to this build as I have in my previous two builds.
Going into this build I told myself that for the enjoyment of the process I couldn't go all in the way I did in 2017/18. I couldn’t give it the same mental bandwidth or priority that I have in the past.
This doesn’t mean I didn’t work as hard. I got every run in and showed up to every workout and executed them to the best of my ability. I had a great build. I enjoyed watching myself progress week to week and I enjoyed the work.
Where I backed off was how much mental energy I put into my training and overall build. There comes a point in every workout where you have to ask yourself “How bad do you want it?” In the previous build when this moment came I would override everything in me and will myself to want it MORE! To push MORE! To dig MORE! By the end of the build, my brain was more fried than my body was.
This build I allowed myself to be happy with the efforts that my body was outputting and I didn’t mentally override it to try to get more out of myself. I was much kinder to myself and this was the difference between me enjoying my build and not.
Self-belief isn't the same as mental resilience
Standing on the start line in Chicago I believed in myself and in my training and I believed in my ability to run 2:17:00-2:18:000.
There was no doubt in my mind that I had built up the fitness that I needed. But what I had failed to do was build up my mental resilience.
So when it came time to buckle down and the question “How bad do you want it” entered my mind… My body responded by doing what I allowed it to do did in training the whole build… It didn’t push for MORE! or dig for MORE!… it accepted the effort that I was outputting and settled into a pace that it could sustain without having to hold my feet to the fire.
This experience really reiterates how important the mental aspect of this sport is. It doesn’t matter how fit you are. If you haven’t trained your mind to do it you won’t…
“How bad do you want it?”
I answered this at the beginning of my build. I set parameters of how much of my life I would let this build consume and I set limits to how much I would invest in this build.
This cycle was about finding a better balance. The reality is that this is a lifelong sport and I can’t go all in all the time. I didn’t get the balance quite right this time but I learned some things to help me finetune it for the next time around.
Reflecting on my build and my result I am happy. Although I wasn’t able to show it my result, I really feel that I improved. More importantly, I showed myself that improvement is possible without being a slave to the grind.
I was hesitant to share this post because admitting that I wasn’t all in isn’t something I am proud of. But I hope that continuing to share my experience proves useful to others that share the same pursuit.
- Eric